Saturday, December 7, 2013
Monday, November 25, 2013
This morning, on husband's orders, I passed on 'catch up on chores' day to get out, by myself. I picked up a red cup from Starbucks (and a compliment on my outfit, which blessed this Words of Affirmation girl's heart!!!), and went to the bookstore. The rules were "no parenting books, nutrition or organic anything!" (because Larry knows how I get sucked in, then start planning or worrying about something ), and to only enjoy myself. I made myself stay completely away from the children's section, to make sure I stayed on track with my mission of doing something only for me. I read magazine interviews from my favs, Julia Roberts & Drew Barrymore, of course flipped through a home decor magazine, and read Little Women. Such simple perfection!
I'm indescribably thankful for a partner who knows me well, yet loves me still, and who sees through my dark places to my real heart. The truth is that I've been perpetually overwhelmed lately. My brain is so overloaded with trying to keep up with everyone's needs, my body so unrested, and it has quite honestly brought out the worst of me. My weaknesses are rearing their ugly heads, shouting loud and clear, making me feel awful in every way, but mostly about myself. Today hit the reset button in a lot of ways.
I know this is a season. My fear, though, is that these weaknesses of mine will gag and blindfold me until the best of me is so impaired that I've completely missed out on the best days of my life.
However difficult it sometimes is, I wouldn't miss any of this for the world! This is the time of my life.
So I'm learning, slowly, slowly, but surely learning, that to love my family and others best, I have to love myself. I have to accept and believe the Truth that I know, that I am God's child. I am dearly loved, and valued. Even so much more than all the love, affection and passion that I feel for my own family, God feels that for me, but even far more than I can imagine. So, all my doubts and fears must fall away in the face of that Truth. My stress and my worry are both meaningless and defeating. Accepting God's love for me, making my heart right every day, allowing myself to have a clear head, one way or another, is how I can then love my children and husband well. I can care for them, use wisdom, and act with grace, when I Iet God rule my heart, and mold my mind. Even as I write this it is still occurring to me.
Mamas, be gentle with yourselves. This job is sometimes harsh, often loud, always messy, and not at all to be taken lightly. But what a beautiful mess! What rich rewards we receive through our children when we have our eyes open! Do not let yourself be blinded with the lies that weariness can bring. You are dearly loved, and God made you for this!
Monday, May 13, 2013
Coming up on Mother's Day, when my mom is almost always on the road, I've been thinking a lot about how special it is to be wanted by your children ...
those moments of "MamaMamaMamaMamaMamaMamaMama!", or not being able to put down the baby at all for whatever reason, or feeling awful as you leave them crying as you go out the door, or being woken up 5, 6, a million times a night because they need you to feed them / hold them / comfort them / give them medicine / just be with them. Or "watch me!" or "heeeeelp!", or "come play with me!" Or like this morning, when I'm trying to go over some important things at my desk, very awkwardly, because there is a wiggly toddler in my lap, just wanting my attention.
I miss my mom. I miss her smell, and her hugs, and just her presence in the room. Our children feel the same way. What a blessing and a pleasure to be so loved, and treasured and wanted! When there are so many women who want a child more than anything, and so many who's children are grown and gone, and worse of all, those who have lost their children. There are parents of children who want nothing to do with them, and that is a tragedy. Sometimes it's so frustrating and so very very exhausting to have to give so much of yourself. But they just want their Mama. And you're it. So, I'm trying to shift my focus, and remember now that they're bonding with me, and they're building relationship with me. And I want that! I want them to always want their Mama, and to know that I always want them too.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Yes, I'm exercising my right as a mom, and taking a moment to brag on my little boy.
I'm just really proud of the exceptionally great day Solomon has had!
We spend time praying over our children, that God will make them both their very best selves, and that He will make us both the very best parents that we can be for our children. One of my greatest goals, hopes, and prayers for my own life, is that I will be enough for my children - that I will be what they need me to be, so that they can be what they are meant to be.